What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people. He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, 'Turkish people have 3 problems.' Just a few seconds later a Turkish man  opposite  him said, "Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?" The Russian responds: "This is your first problem. You are so easily offended." The Turkish responds: "Okay, maybe we should settle this outside." The Russian: "That is your second problem. You always want to solve your problems with violence." The Turkish brings him outside and pulls out knives. The Russian: "And here is your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights."

Two reasons why it’s hard to solve a Redneck murder
   1. The DNA all matches
   2. There are no dental records

I now understand the 52 genders.....
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners. On the way out the door, the lady at the counter says, "Come again!...."   The blonde replies: "No. It is toothpaste this time."

What's the definition of a virgin in Alabama?
Any 10 year old girl who can outrun her brother

Boy: *calls 911* Hello? I need your help!
911: Alright, What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: So what's your emergency?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Three drunk guys entered a taxi. The taxi driver knew that they were drunk so he started the engine & turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination". The 1st guy gave him money & the 2nd guy said "Thank you". The 3rd guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked thinking the 3rd drunk knew what he did. But then he asked "What was that for?". The 3rd guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"

 A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you." The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves. "What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!" Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor."Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?" The boy licked his cone and replied: "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably shit.

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